Story of Recovery: Rico

UPDATE...February 5, 2015...so it has almost been two years but the doubts started actually in 2012...so it has been a three year journey and slowly I am having less "faith" moments and of much shorter duration. The temptation to fall back on "tried and true" faith answers occurs from time to time, but once bitten you don't go back. I can truly say to feel the most free I have felt in my entire life. I am FREE to think on my own, I am FREE to analyze whatever I want to study, I am FREE to have an opinion that does not have to be filtered through a series of theological bs, and I am FREE to practice whatever I like. I am STILL in ministry which is difficult but I have learned to navigate these waters as well. I am able to bring LIFE to people using my preaching and teaching opportunities while not believing the doctrines. I will be totally FREE from ministry in four months when we move back to the States. I have been depressed, scared, freaked out...I have had panic attacks, I have had tough nights of lack of sleep, and I have felt terrible about wasting so much time of my life, I'm 62 now, trying to figure out how people lived to be 960 years old and listening to idiots like Kent Hovind tell you why that is true!!! Simply amazing. So, for all of you who are barely getting started on the deconversion process, be encouraged. YOU will make it. It is HARD...but you will make it. And use forums like this to vent, to question, to ask for feedback. I didn't do this alone. I am a member of a closed ex-clergy group by invitation alone, and they have greatly helped me as well. All of us in the group are ex-preachers/ministers and we totally understand the challenges. It's one thing to deconvert as a "regular" person. But if your entire livelyhood, identity, and life is based on ministry, it is an entirely more complex situation. Not impossible, but with MAN all things are possible...yeah, we are the answer and to the degree we use critical thinking, reason, and the laws of evidence, WE can accomplish incredible things. Life is short and it is tough. Suffering is the common denominator for all of us. To the degree we learn to use the skills and abilities we have to reduce pain and increase happiness, we will have lived well. Feel free to contact me any time if you need to chat about this type of thing. You are not...WE are not alone. Rico...loseguo@recoveringfundamentalists.com

Tough scenario. 61 years old, in year three of missionary work with my wife after giving up everything to come here, and I have finally decided to walk away from the supernatural after a life of belief in it. How do I tell my wife? How do I tell all those who trust me and know me as their minister? How do I stop going to church? How do I negotiate my new found freedom? It's tough and I could use some input. So far so good. I have made allusions as to my changes but my wife doesn't really get it primarily because she thinks I'm just going through a phase. Not so. I'm done with six hour prayer meeting that accomplish nothing, Christians who don't walk the walk, belief in things that absolutely make no sense, and putting on hold everything that reason and logic screams at us. At 61 I feel I have one last chance at making something good in life. In the mean time I have a bunch of churches and believers who would think I lost my mind if they found out I no longer believe the Bible to be the word of god. What's crazy is that even writing it like this, "word of god" with no capitals still bothers me...some sort of strange fear thing. I would totally appreciate any input and you can write to me at loseguo@recoveringfundamentalists.com. Thanks...