Story of Recovery: Sikora Lynn

Only 5 year olds are scared of the dark, right? Only little kids need comfort from their nightmares, correct? Nope. Not so much.

It all began when I was about 8. We recently got a new Assemblies of God pastor. An ex-Catholic Italian with a lot of spunk. He seemed nice enough.

Like any other child, I looked forward to Halloween. But I wouldn't be trick-or-treating this year. I soon found out why. Pastor made us watch a horrifying video about the Satanic rituals of Halloween. I was scarred!

I became heavily devout and found myself praying and highlighting my Bible with the rigor of an obsessive compulsive mental patient. At least everyone thought I was a good girl!

Then, I backslid, I suppose. My language became foul and I started thinking about my self as a sexual being. But something hit me, and I confessed. I spent the next 4 years hating myself for being a horribly lousy (or you know, NORMAL teenager). My fervence grew.

When I went to private Christian school, it all came to a festering head. I was depressed. I always missed school, because that lunatic of a principal made me feel like I was Satan's best. I hated life. My grades dropped. But I still highlighted that Bible word for word, prayed, and paraded around like I was a chosen person.

They took us to Lakeland, Florida my last year, and I was horrified. I did not want to be on GodTV and I did not wantcto be healed by Todd Bentley for anything. Or was that the devil talking? Well, I got down there, and I felt so nervous that I started clawing at my knees and groaning, because I was irritated by the impending panic attack that any agoraphobic would have in room with thousands pf people. Before I knew it people were laying their hands on me.

This was "deliverance". Of course as a good Christian girl, I gave in to their cues and tried to cough out the apparent demon inside of me. Soon it was over. I was delivered. So I wanted to pray for others. Iwas scolded and told the demons still might be there. That was disappointing. And I believed it, too. But eventually, I could not believe it. I pretendedcit never happened. Where were my parents, you ask? Ready to end this nightmare, but I was too ashamed to tell them. If only I knew they were clueless. I thought they were just accepting. Little did I know that awful woman wore a mask around them.

Eventually, I grew up. Still dedicated to my faith, I met a girl who was into the New Age. I grew to enjoy the idea of a truly loving God and Angels. I just became enchanted. And yet, I was scared. Scared to embrace love and peace.

So frankly, I fell apart. I haf to seek very intense counseling, because even though I was sold that this new idea of God wascright for me, I still had those horrible fears all the time. I would have killed myself if I had not received the help. I can promise that.

But I did. And the recovery was slow, but I made it through. Eventually, I was able to accept peace, become tolerant of all beliefs, and additionally I became quite the science junkie. My nightmarish fears still get me down sometimes and the flashbacks do still happen, but I am getting better. If you wanna talk, my email is cassandralynn333@recoveringfundamentalists.com. I hope I can help and be helped.