Equal Love, Equal Rights
When I first moved to California from Ohio 6 years ago, I had never known a gay couple. Tom and Shane were the first. They were two of the most genuine, honest, hard working and generally likable people I had ever met, too. Their love for each other was crystal clear. After 2 minutes of knowing them, I no longer saw a gay couple; all I could see was a young couple in love.
LGBT rights was a big reason why I began to question my faith. Tom and Shane were the first to remove the boundaries placed on my understanding of love by my fundamentalist upbringing. I owe them both a sincere debt of gratitude.
Last year Shane lost Tom in a accident. Tom’s mother, Martha Bridegroom, came to California from Knox, Indiana to retrieve Tom’s body. While Shane was at home resting, she left with Tom for Indiana without allowing Shane to say goodbye. Tom’s father, Norman Bridegroom, then threatened violence against Shane if he were to attend the funeral Indiana. Shane was shut out.
I don’t need to go on a rant about the damage caused by Martha and Norman Bridegroom’s bigotry and intolerance. Shane expresses more than I ever could with his tears in his “It Could Happen To You” video.
Discussion
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Shane Bitney Crone on WFAA News »
The way his parents acted was DISGUSTING and they should be ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES.
Exactly.
IT IS SO SAD THAT PARENTS CAN DO THIS TO THEIR OWN SON AND TO THE ONE PERSON THAT MADE HIM HAPPY AND LOVED HIM SO MUCH…TOM IS WITH SHANE IN SPIRIT..FROM HEAVEN HE WILL ALWAYS WATCH OVER SHANE..AND THE PARENTS WILL REGRET ONE DAY ALL THE PAIN AND SORROWS THEY HAVE CAUSED THE ONE PERSON THAT CARED AND STILL CARES FOR THEIR SON..THEY ARE SO BLINDED THEY HAVE SINNED..AND DID NOT CARED OR RESPECTED TOMS LIFE HERE ON EARTH..ITS TERRIBLE IT MAKES ME ANGRY AND SO SO SAD FOR TOM AND SHANE.. I ONLY PRAY THAT SHANE CAN FEEL COMFORT FROM ALL OF THOSE WHO ARE GIVING HIM SUPPORT AND THE FAITH THAT ONE DAY GOD WILL REUNITE BOTH AGAIN..GOD BLESS YOU SHANE..YOUR AN ANGEL HERE ON EARTH…YOU MADE SOMEONE SO HAPPY AND YOU HAVE SHOWED SO MANY A LESSON OF LOVE..THANK YOU…LOVE YOU..
I’m really so sad about it; I cried a lot when I saw this video; I think that sometimes the gay life is very unfair with us
Continue whit my humble opinion; I hope that God care to Shane forever, for me this is unexplanation situation, is the saddest real story that i never heard about, from Colombia the best wishes, all the support, and I know that we (gay comunity) will be able to help people like Shane, in this unfortunately kind of events. God bless you, today and ever Shane, and that Tom Rest In Peace !!! Always will remember you like the real example of genuine LOVE, thanks for that !!! WE LOVE …
Dear Shane, My deepest condolences! The video is so powerful! I watched it twice and cried just as hard the second time as I did the first. I cannot even begin to comprehend what you are going through! There is so much hatred out there towards our community that it really makes me sad and angry. Please continue on in your fight for equality. You are not alone! You are a role model for all gay and lesbians. Tom’s memory will burn long in your heart and all of ours for your sharing of his life and this message. Tom’s parents may have cut you out in the end, but you have one thing they didn’t… their son. You knew him in ways that they could never in this lifetime understand. You two were and are LOVE. One day you will be reunited with Tom. But for now, may he rest in peace and may you find consolation through your friends and family and the bright magnificent memories you have for Tom.
Im so sorry for your loss my heart goes goes out to you thie was my arguement with a preacher and his wife because I support the president on his decision to support gay marriage and when the preacher thpught it was funny to make fun of gay couples I called him out on it that it was not christian like they more or less told me I was going to hell and all who believe in unconditional lov
SORRY TO HEAR OF UR LOSS… EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE LOVE.. WHO CARES WHERE IT COMES FROM… MAN , WOMAN , BLACK , WHITE , YELLOW , PURPLE.. LOVE IS LOVE !!!!!!!
Shane, my heart goes out to you. I can see by the video clips how happy you and Tom were. I’m so very sorry his parents never even thought to find out if he was happy. If they had, maybe some of your pain and I’m sure his pain, could have been avoided. Believe me, they can not erase you from his life. Nor can they erase him from your heart. I hope you can find some comfort in remembering your life with him. The love there is very evident. I see the tide turning, however slowly, and some day what you both dreamed of, being able to love whoever you love, will be not looked upon as something bad but as something wonderful. You are a very courageous young man, and I’m sure your Tom is smiling down on you. Love to you my friend, from a heterosexual 57 yr old lady in WV. May you find love again.
I am a heterosexual woman who has been married to the same man for 24 years. I cried when I watched your video. I can not imagine the thought of this happening to me. If something happened to my husband, I can not imagine anyone coming in and taking away my rights as his wife. I would make the decisions and the funeral plans. That is such an important part of the grieving process to be able to be there to say goodbye and honor your loved one. I am so sorry that you were robbed of your right to grieve and of the closure that you deserve as a loving supportive partner. You have done a very brave thing here. It is easy to hurt others when you don’t see them as people. There are many out there that think of “Gay” as a thing or an entity.You have made it personal. “Gay” means a person. A real person just like any other husband or wife that someone might know. A person with feelings, and purpose, and rights. Hopefully others will view this video and be able view themselves in your shoes, as I have. No PERSON gay, straight, or other should ever have to suffer this type of injustice in our country. Thank you for sharing your story.
One day, those parents will come to realize that they destroyed their son’s memory…. froze out his love … and ruined a chance to develop a relationship with the young man their son chose. They will regret their bigotry for the rest of their lives, and will face a miserable, lonely, hateful old age.
When I first saw Shanes’s video I was pretty sad, but then I started looking around various websites and saw a ton of pictures of them together. As odd as it sounds I noticed their sofa in dozens of thier pictures… as well as in Shane’s video. It got me thinking of the evenings alone, get togethers with friends, Christmas , Thx Giving, soooo many memories on that sofa. It’s crazy that this is what I was thinking of. It broke my heart that the very place Shane probably sees as just a sofa could hold so many memories…
I am a gay man from Canada and I got married 3 years ago to facilitate a residency application. It is the only way I could be with the person I love who happens to be from Europe. I always told ppl it was not important to me…I just did it to appease my government, so we could be together. Since seeing Shane’s video I have changed my view; I am grateful my country allows me the “right” to marry the perso I love.
Thank you Shane…and please, never let that sofa go.
xo
What exactly does this have to do with religion or faith? I read the article and watched the video. I see no connection.
By the way, I have couples who are friends who are not married yet. If one of them dies, the other does not have the same rights as a spouse either.
So, does your faith have no influence over your opinion on LGBT rights?
It does and it doesn’t, but it obviously didn’t in anyone’s case but yours, in writing this “article.” Not all morals come directly from faith in God or the bible. Sense of right and wrong and everything in between also come from your OWN views and experiences you know.
Gay rights and civil rights are not comparable. Gay rights: what you do. Civil rights: who you are. Homosexuality is not an identity, it’s a behavior. There are no replicated scientific studies showing that homosexuals are biologically, anatomically, or hormonally different from other people. You can’t pick out a homosexual in a line-up, but you can find a black, asian, or latino. Plus, there are actual ex-gays out there. Donnie McClurkin and James Hartline. There’s no such thing as an ex-Black!
I’m not against homosexual couples, that’s their own choice. I’m not against civil unions, they can have the same rights as married couples. As a married woman I am against broadening the definition of what I have with my husband. A marriage.
No one is forcing you to change how you personally want to define marriage. It affects your marriage and relationship in no way. So why care?
Because if same-sex marriage were universally accepted and practiced, my marriage will be in the same category as something I don’t agree with. There’s nothing wrong with a union granted to homosexuals where they receive the SAME rights. If no one had touched the meaning of the word marriage, I wouldn’t have a problem. If the definition of marriage can be changed, then so can other definitions. There’s also a transgendered community out there who would like to be granted special rights so they can legally be considered the opposite gender they were born as. I’m sure you’re also find with that if you’re fine with the changing of definitions and for specials rights. Therefore I suppose you would be fine if you found out a girl you were dating was born a male but legally changed “her” gender to female. It affects your gender in no way, so why care?
You are right, Patricia. Your marriage would be in the same category as something you don’t agree with. Fortunately, we have a separation of church and state in America. Frankly, you know nothing about my marriage – who are you to judge it and say it is less than your marriage? I think God is disappointed by your arrogance and pride.
Romer v. Evans: The Constitution “neither knows nor tolerates classes among citizens”
I can’t believe I’m lowering myself to your stupidity…being a homosexual is a behavior? So what ou have with your husband is a “behavior”? Or simply being what you are? That is like saying being black is a behavior…
I don’t want to be compared to you in any way, shaper form lady..
Being black and being gay are two COMPLETELY different things! That’s insulting to black people. Black people fought for their civil rights because THEY WERE ALREADY GUARANTEED those rights in the U.S. Constitution. Gays don’t already have same-sex marriage rights granted to them in our Constitution, they want special rights.
There have been no replicated studies showing that homosexuality is hormonal or genetic, or anything other than behavior. By the way, heterosexuality is ALSO a behavior. What I do with my husband is a marriage.
How old were you when you decided to be straight?
Hi Patricia,
I’m glad you responded and I hope people don’t attack you for your views. Your posts summarize the debate around same-sex marriage perfectly – you believe what you have with your husband is better and more important than what Shane had with Tom. By allowing same-sex marriage, we, as a society, would be essentially saying that opposite-sex marriage is equal to and not superior to same-sex marriage.
Frankly, I think it is. And increasingly, people agree. I’m sorry you feel threatened by same-sex marriage. Change can be scary – but how would you feel if I got to vote on whether our civil government should recognize your marriage? You probably wouldn’t like that, would you?
At the end of the day, people can debate whether homosexuality is a behavior or an innate trait, whether it is a sin, etc. It doesn’t matter to me either way.
We have a civil government, not a theocracy, and increasing people no longer feel like a government should not be in the business of telling people an opposite sex marriage is superior to a same sex marriage.
To summarize the debate, I do not believe your marriage is better than mine, and I will have that position and fight for that position until the day I die. God is on my side, not yours.
Rob, I agree with you that what Tom’s parents did was very sad because at the very least Shane and Tom were best friends.
But I don’t think your conclusion is relevant. This post never says that Tom’s parents were people of any faith. Tom’s mother references the word “sin” once, yet I know many atheists and secular humanists who use the word “sin” quite often. It doesn’t say that Tom’s parents are Muslim, Buhdist, Christian, Jewish, or atheists. It appears that in this situation Tom’s family dealt with some serious character issues. I think we can all agree on that.
Rob Steiner, you say that LGBT rights was a big reason why you began to question your faith. You then said that Tom and Shane were the first to remove the boundaries placed on your understanding of love from your own fundamentalist upbringing. Seriously? I can completely see how this situation could cause anyone to question the lack of character in Tom’s family. But to use this story, whether true or not, to promote same sex marriage is really weak. From the limited information given, this article and video appear to be about parents who reacted cruelly to behavior that they personally found offensive.
Regarding same sex marriage.. Think about it… Gays can have their rights and dignity without us changing the “definition” of marriage. Gays can have their gay relationships if they wish, even if they anger their parents and suffer the consequences of family relatives who are disgusted by their homosexual acts. That is their choice as this story revealed. Scientific studies for decades have proven that homosexuality is not beneficial, and that it is destructive to society. Sometimes the root of homosexuality is based in the lack of having received love and affirmation from your dad. Some boys were even abused which is really sad. But, Jesus, who brings truth into our lives can heal the hurt and restore your true identity as a man. A man who instead of pursuing another man can pursue a beautiful woman and experience the real definition of marriage. - Peter
OMG. You give Christianity a bad name. Funny that you cheery-pick parts of the Bible to believe, while others you choose to ignore. If you believe the Bible says homosexuality is a sin, then you also need to believe in slavery and the practice of stoning to death women who get married who aren’t virgins. You’re so ignorant. Perhaps you need to re-read the Bible, if in fact, you ever have. Jesus must be so proud of you.
What’s my conclusion, Peter? Where do I even connect faith to this issue?
Seeing gay loving relationships simply opened my eyes to some of the fallacies that had ingrained in me from an early age. LGBT rights is not “why” I left religion, but simply it forced me to ask, “If homosexuality is not what I taught that it is, then what else have I been taught that is completely void of reason?”
You know atheist and humanists that use the “sin” construct? I’ll call BS on that one. I don’t care to argue the matter, though. It’s not relevant. I didn’t bring faith into the matter. You did.
There are studies that prove that being gay is destructive to society? Show me. I’ll show you 10 more that show that a certain percentage of the population will always be born gay. (I could care less if you are born gay or not. You should have the right to love who you want to love.)
Christians are hilarious. They believe that the current definition of marriage, per our federal laws, is the same definition as is found in the Bible. It’s just not. If you want to install Biblical marriage terms, then we’ll by by and sell our wives. If you want to take a shortcut, you can just rape a woman, then she has to marry you. Those a couple of example of your almighty god’s definition of marriage. But we’re the “evil” ones because we want every individual to have the same right as the next to marry the person they love.
You’re picking a fight, Peter. This article asserted very little opinion. I simple shared one way in which Tom’s life affected me. This is a personal reflection of my own. It’s really not your place to criticize.
Thanks for sharing your story Rob and (as you already know) just ignore the nonsense. Your reflections are logical, and it makes perfect sense that seeing such a happy (gay) would make you question your beliefs. I am a recovering catholic, heterosexual female and I firmly believe that marriage should be an option for any and all people. Thanks again!
Rob,
It has been a while since you posted this but I feel called to respond to one of your comments. I am not questioning your reason for posting the video or your story of personal change. But I am asking you to not be so prejudicial about Christian’s. I know that sometimes one needs to move hard and fast away from something that one has found harmful. And I presume you find something of your upbringing to be so and if it made you hate or fear any group then I am glad you have escaped that. But I can tell you that there are many Christian’s in the world who do not hate gay men and women. I am proud of my Church for being one of the first in North America to allow homosexual people to become ministers and to perform same sex marriage ceremonies in full equality with heterosexual marriages. When I was searching for a Church nearly 25 years ago this was something fundamentally important to me even though I am straight and female. For my faith tells me that God loves us all so I could not join a church that could not accept the gay members of my family. This is my story and I hope that you will accept it as I have accepted yours and not claim that Christian’s all believe one thing.
Thank You
Emma
I’m sorry, Emma. You’re right. I did you use the term “Christians” too broadly. I should have refined the segment of people to whom I was referring. I do know many Christians who are as passionate about equal rights as I am.
I wasn’t actually affected very negatively by Christian upbringing. I didn’t go through a lot of of trauma that others have. My passion for reason over delusion is driven by my concern for posterity; not by my own experiences.
This is a heart wrenching story that made me have so much disgust in the human race.Love is love irrespective of the sex if the person you are with. my heart goes out to Shane, what a beautiful person and brave person inside and out.Patricia I cannot accept or tolerate your views because its views like yours that prevents equality and change from occurring. people are god dam idiots! Look up the definition of equality! In addition stop making a male and female marriage the ideal! Civil partnership is not enough! How would you like if you were unable to marry the person you love.As for the bible, when will people realise that it was written in a time where rape, slavery and brutality was acceptable, but for a homosexual relationship it was wrong! People who believe that gay men or women deserve less than hetro sexual people need to re-evaluate themselves.what kind of person does that make you?
Keep fighting Shane.
In England we have equal rights and gay marriage.
Dont let fundamentalists destroy you.
Dear commenters and administrators,
All I’m hearing in this space is prejudice, prejudice, prejudice! PLEASE this is about Shane’s human rights and not a soap box for anything religious or prejudice!!!
EVERYONE must now be made aware that your sexual orientation is predetermined by your DNA (scientific fact proven by the swedish). This is because gay men and women can not smell the opposite sexes pheromones they can only smell the same sexes smell which is the necessary element for sexual attraction… we ARE born that way… we ARE conceived that way… we cannot change it!
This means we fall into the category of a global race… therefore to deny us our human rights based on something we cannot change makes most of what has been said on here illegal by constitution and racist!
WHY CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?
My heart, love and support as a fellow human being goes out to Shane and Tom and I personally pledged the rest of my life to fight this racism and prejudice. We don’t live in the dark ages any more and we shouldn’t act like it.
Adrian Clark Price